Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
