Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
