Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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