Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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