he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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