I am in a vortex of obligation.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
