She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
