Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
