Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
