well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
