its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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