Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
