Having a random hookup so left but love u
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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