We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
