I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
