Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
