his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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