Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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