I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
