i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My breasts were aching with rage.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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