You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
sarcasm needs its own font
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
