I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
