that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
