the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
