Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
