Whoa Z and x make the same sound
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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