dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
