You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the condom got lost in my hair
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
