Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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