She's JV to your varsity
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
