So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
