If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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