You made me cry and you don't even care
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
