This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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