Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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