theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
