I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There's always time for handjobs
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
