You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
