I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
