so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
