just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
