Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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