Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
