She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
