I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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