Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
