I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
