haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
