Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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