I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
