it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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