cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
