someone owes me an orgasm
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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